Posted tagged ‘self esteem’

7 ways to boost Self Esteem

February 25, 2014

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It can be really difficult to try lifting your self-esteem up during bad times – when you’re dealing with a disability, when you’re having a difficult time getting along with someone you care about, when you are being pushed to your limits at work, when you’re going through financial difficulties, and so on.

In times like these, all you can think to do is blame yourself for not being likeable, for not doing good enough, and for always failing.

You may even think of hurting yourself and giving up completely.

But in order to get through life’s adversities, self-esteem is of prime importance.

Below is a list of things you can do to raise your self-esteem.

You may notice that that along the way, your inner critical self will start to build resistance to prevent you from feeling better. But that’s okay.

Just carry on with your best efforts. Over time, you will find yourself feeling a lot better and more than capable of facing life’s challenges.

Treat yourself well.
Make it your daily goal to treat yourself well.

Take care of yourself by eating healthy foods, exercising regularly, and getting enough rest and sleep.

Avoid habits that could be detrimental to your health like smoking, excessive alcohol drinking, and negative thinking.

Talk to yourself in a polite way.
During tough times you might get caught up with the critical voices inside you saying “you are no better”, “you are a loser”, “you won’t ever get it right”, and so on.

Try not to get carried away with them. Instead, tell yourself “you can do this”, “you are smart”, and “you are capable of succeeding”.

Intentionally replace the negative thoughts with positive affirmations.

Spend time with friends and family.
Spend more time with people who treat you well and have genuine concern and care for you. Their support is vital to your self-esteem.

Avoid negative, difficult people who see nothing in you but your flaws. You don’t need them at this point in your life.

Start small.
Studies suggest that the small achievements we have can significantly boost our well-being and self-esteem.

As you look for the bigger outcome, be thankful of the little goals you have accomplished.

They will give you the confidence you need to survive a difficult challenge.

Forgive yourself.
If you didn’t make it this time, it’s okay. Don’t punish yourself for failing.

Don’t be too tough on yourself. Remember that mistakes are part of a successful journey as they give you an opportunity to expand your learning.

Forgiving yourself is a great way to raise your self-esteem rather than indulging in self-pity.

Don’t compare.
Comparing your life with that of other people and finding out that they excel in one area of life can further crash your self-esteem.

Comparing does not only make you feel unhappy. It is also unfair for that person, as you don’t know what they have gone through.

You are only seeing one aspect of their life. Instead of focusing on the success of others, you should try being better than you were yesterday.

Also, learn to accept yourself, including your limitations and weaknesses.

While there are things you can change, you also have to realise that there are things that you cannot change.

Loving yourself just the way you are is better you than hating yourself.

Do things you enjoy.
Don’t forget to give yourself a little downtime. You have been dealing with a lot of things in the past days, weeks or months.

You deserve to have a break. Do things that cheer you up, whether it’s baking, cooking, writing poems, sketching, or dancing.

Once you have restored, if not improved your self-esteem, you will find yourself effectively dealing with difficult situations you encounter in life.

I look forward to hearing your feedback,  let me know how successful these techniques were for you,  or please forward them onto to someone you may know that needs them.

Richard Scott
Clinical hypnotherapist
Www.greymatterz.co.uk

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15 things that ruin your sex drive.

June 12, 2013

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For many people, sex drive is like a roller coaster ride. One second you’re up, another second you’re down. Well, there are plenty of factors that affect our sexual desire. Here is a compilation of the most common things that could ruin your sex life.

Relationship Issues

Among the top sex drive killers is relationship problems. Of course, no partner would be in the ‘mood’ when he or she is mad at the other. Reaching out with your partner and tackling issues as they arrive is critical for a happy, romantic relationship. Try not to let the night pass without resolving conflicts between you and your partner.

Poor Sleep

Anything that messes with a good night sleep also messes with sex. Sleep deprivation leads to poor energy, fatigue and stress. And when you are experiencing all these things, the last thing that would probably enter your mind is sex. Check with your doctor if you have sleeping disorders such as insomnia or sleep apnoea. Having a regular bedtime schedule, exercising, proper diet, and trying aromatherapy or self-hypnosis all help in promoting good sleep.

Medication

There are drugs that could reduce a person’s sex drive. They include blood pressure medications, chemotherapy and anti-HIV drugs, birth control pills, and antidepressants. Switching drugs or doses may help tackle this issue but it is always recommended to consult your doctor first.

Obesity

There are plenty of reasons why obesity could lead to low sex drive. It may be because it hinders a person from performing well in bed or it reduces self-esteem. Obese people tend to have poorer stamina which some see as being very important for satisfying sex.

Low Testosterone

In men, the T hormone fuels sex drive. As men age, their testosterone levels drop a bit. However, this does not always lead to reduced libido. But low testosterone could cause undesirable symptoms such as erectile dysfunction which slashes a man’s confidence to have sex.

Menopause

For many women, sex drive dims as they reach the menopausal stage. This is probably because of the symptoms that plague them, such as mood swings, vaginal dryness, and sex during pain. But then again, there are women whose sex lives are still thriving even during menopause. Most of the time, they are the ones who give high importance to their health.

Lack of Intimacy

There are couples who you wouldn’t notice that they are couples until they tell you. Lack of closeness and communication does not just spoil sex desire but could also trigger other conflicts that may lead to breakup or separation. If lack of closeness is your issue, try to find ways to express love without involving sex. Maybe you can travel together, talk about different things, snuggle, play a sport together, etc. When closeness is there, a satisfying sex comes next.

Depression

Being depressed can make a person feel disinterested on many things in life, including sex. It is important to seek appropriate therapy right away, hypnotherapy has been very successful in helping sufferers overcome depression. Just like lack of intimacy, depression does not just impact a couple’s sex life but everything else in their relationship.

Erectile Problems

Men suffering from erectile dysfunction often worry about how they will perform in bed so they choose not to have sex at all. But most of the time, this problem is treatable. There are plenty of treatments that can keep this problem from affecting a relationship.

Poor Body Image

Poor self image affects a woman or a man’s desire for sex as it takes away their confidence. Work on accepting your body as it is today even if you are in the process of improving your physical shape or appearance. Feeling good about yourself is a big factor that puts you in the mood for sex.

Having Kids

This does not directly affect a couple’s sex life of course but having less time together could. Consider hiring a babysitter once in awhile so you can have some intimate time with your spouse. Or, schedule ‘loving’ time when kids are in school or when the lights are out already.

Alcohol

Don’t think that alcohol can definitely turn you on. In most cases, when taken in excess, it does nothing but numb your sex drive. Perhaps you have a small shot of wine every night as part of a balanced health regime, but any more than the recommended alcohol intake is not going to help.

Stress

Who doesn’t get stressed? We all have our own stressors to face. Learning how to handle them is the trick. Don’t forget to give yourself a little ‘me’ time to relax and engage in enjoyable activities. When you are not stressed, you are more likely to be eager for sex.

Boredom

Doing the same thing over and over again leads to boredom and lack of desire to have sex. Maybe it’s time to be adventurous and try something different. Just make sure to gain consensus. Both of you should love what you are doing. Otherwise, it aggravates the problem.

Poor Health

Your body and your mind are connected. When you are healthy, you are more likely to experience positive mood on a regular basis (which helps turn your sexual drive on). If you’re ill, sex may not be a good option. Thus, making sure you and your partner are healthy is critical to a satisfying romantic life. Eating properly, exercising, not smoking, and getting quality sleep are some of the most essential lifestyle habits you should follow. 

As always I welcome your comments,

Richard Scott
Clinical Hypnotherapistwww.greymatterz.co.uk

Part of the Core Health Centre