How’s your Self Esteem lately?


Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to refer to a person’s overall emotional evaluation of his or her worth. There’s a big deal of scientific evidence proposing that lack of self-esteem could lead to depression, problems in relationships, and reduced sense of happiness.

But contrary to what the term implies, it appears that many people seek ‘esteem’ not from their inner selves, but from others.

The ‘Other’ Esteem

Often, our feelings and thoughts about ourselves are affected by our daily experiences – the ups and downs in our romantic relationship, challenges at work or in school, how other people treat us, and the achievements and failures we experience. All these have an impact to how we feel about ourselves, at least temporarily.

The term self-esteem indicates that ‘esteem’ is something that comes from within us. It appears however, that many of us derive their evaluation of ‘self-worth’ from other people or from the things that lie outside of them.

For example, a student feels good about himself only after getting a good grade whilst a professional would feel the same once he gets promoted in his job or received a salary increase. All these suggest that what we really thought to be ‘self-esteem’ has become more like of an ‘other-esteem’.

There’s really nothing wrong with feeling good after being praised or appreciated by others or having achieved something. It is a natural mental response. But relying on external factors to boost our self-esteem could undermine our sense of self-worth.

Some people do everything to please others, even if they are no longer happy or comfortable with what they are doing. That is, they become subordinated to other people’s considerations.

Other-esteem is potentially dangerous because here, we depend on others to measure our self-worth. This greatly reduces our happiness and takes a toll on our health and social relationships.

If we rely on others to keep our esteem at a good level, we become vulnerable to the bitter consequences of rejection. If we seek it from others but those people didn’t approve it, we feel we are rejected. This leads to self-hatred and ultimately, depression.

Sure we can’t control what others would say about us. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions. But to make those opinions the predictor of your self-worth is not right. That’s why it’s called ‘self-esteem’ because it is something that comes from within us. It is something we generate on our own through careful evaluation of ourselves – our strengths and weaknesses.

Developing Real Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is something that should be developed at a very young age because this is the stage wherein individuals begin to form values that last through adulthood. Yet, many parents think that to boost their child’s self-esteem, they had to constantly remind them how good they are, how beautiful or strong they are, and the like.

But this strategy makes their children dependent on success to find self-esteem. So when they fail, they would feel bad about themselves. Performance, achievements and success serve as the icing that adds beauty to a cake.

But the cake itself is the foundation that should be given more attention. It represents a person’s relationship with his or her inner self.

One way to boost our self-esteem to is understand and accept our vulnerability. Who hasn’t felt insecure sometimes? Who hasn’t been afraid? Who hasn’t doubted themselves even once in their lifetime? The key to strengthening our self-esteem is to embrace our vulnerability. This way, we could free ourselves from having other people define our self-worth.

If you suffer from low self-esteem, bokk a FREE consultation with me and I’ll let you know how you can I can help you to boost that self-esteem rapidly and effectively.

Do let me know your thoughts by commenting below.

Richard Scott
Clinical Hypnotherapist

Part of the Core Health Centre

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